Scotsman (The)

Tune: ???

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair.
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round 'till he could no longer keep his feet.
And stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

CHORUS:
Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

About that time two young and lovely girls happened by.
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye.
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built.
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as can be.
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt.
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marvelled for a moment and one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow.
Around the bonnie star the Scott's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
"Ah, lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize."

Now our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street.
He hadn't gone ten yards or more when a girl he chanced to meet.
She said, "I've heard what's 'neath that kilt, tell me is it so?"
He said "Just put your hand up, miss, if you'd really like to know."

She put her hand right up his kilt, and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes.
She cried, "Why Sir, that gruesome." And then she heard him roar,
"If you put your hand up once again, you'll find it grew some more."

Keywords: Scot, euphemism, genitals, penis