Poetry Song

Tune: Chorus from "The Little Brown Jug"
(Note: Sing chorus before every bad rhyme)

Chorus:
Poetry, poetry,
How do you like my poetry?
Not as mellow as Longfellow,
But it's poetry.

Verses:
Little Jack Horner,
Sat in the corner,
Eating his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, "Hey, what happened to your cherry?"

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
who sat down beside her,
and said, "Hey, what's in the bowl bitch?"

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
That crawled up inside her,
So she beat it to death with her spoon.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kingÕs horses, and all the kingÕs men,
Has one fucking big omelet.

Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone...
But when old mother bent over...
Rover drove her, cause
Rover had a bone of his own.

There once was an old lady
That lived in a shoe,
She had so many kids that her
Cunt could stretch over a trash can.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She said "with my pension, that's all I can do"
It may be substandard, but just down the block,
I know an old lady who lives in a sock.

Little Boy Blew,
Because he needed the money.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To get her poor daughter a dress,
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter I guess.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill came down with half a crown
But not for fetching water.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
On and elephant.
Jill got down and helped
Jack off the elephant.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
for just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
and Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill,
each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Silly Jill forgot the pill
and now they have a daughter.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down on top of Jill
and now they have another daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill! Forgot that pill!
So now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
With a keg of brandy
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed
Now it's Jack, Jill and Andy

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high,
Pulled down his fly,
And Jill said,
"Where's the beef!"

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass, and grabbed her ass
And now two of his front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
Both carrying a bucket.
When Jill bent down
Her ass was round
And Jack decided to fuck it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky
Jill came back
With a very sore crack
Jack must have been a Yankee

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
the fuckin' whore!

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick.
Jack jumped over the candle stick
And burnt his balls.

Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
but Jill preferred the candlestick!

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was as white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day,
school one day, school one day,
It followed her to school one day -
And a big black dog fucked it!

Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb.

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead.
Now Mary takes the lamb to school
between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin'
She tied it to a five-bar gate
and kicked its little cunt in.

Mary had a little lamb,
its fleece was white as snow.
And every where that Mary went,
the lamb was sure to go.
Now Mary found the price of meat too high,
which really didn't please her.
Tonight she is having the leg of lamb,
the rest is in the freezer.

Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon.

Mary had a little watch,
she kept it in her garter.
And when the boys asked her the time,
she knew what they were after.

Mary had a little lamb;
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate;
And had a little more!

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her yard.
Every time she took her panties off,
His little wooly dick got hard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time it jumped the fence
You could see its little arsehole.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were astounded.
Everywhere that Mary went,
Gynecologists surrounded.

Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was suprised.
When Old McDonald had a farm,
The poor guy nearly died.

Mary had a little lamb
A little roast, a little jam
An ice-cream soda topped with fizz
Boy, how sick our Mary is.

Little Willie, full of glee,
put radium in grandma's tea.
Now he thinks it quite a lark
to see her shining in the dark.

Little Willie with a thirst for gore
nailed his mommy's baby to the door.
Mother said with humor quaint,
Willie dear, don't spoil the paint.

Little Willie,
Brand new skates
Hole in ice
Pearly gates

The birds may kiss the bees goodbye,
The buttercup...the butterfly.
The morning dew may kiss the grass,
And you my friend, may kiss my ass.

Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
where the deer and the antelope play.
Where seldom is heard,
a discouraging word,
after all, just what can an antelope say?

A man's occupation
is to stick his cockulation
up the woman's ventilation
to increase the population
of the coming generation

Roses are violet
Reds are blue
I'm a dyslexic
And stuff too you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I.

Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I'm amnesiac,
And ...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
That's what they tell me
Because I'm blind.

Roses are red
Violets are for plucking
Girls out of high school
Are ready for college

Keywords: poem