Old Chisholm Trail

Tune: Chisholm Trail

Spoken:
Old pioneers with great long ears,
They've lived in fields and ditches,
They fucked their wives with Bowie knives -
The dirty sons-a-bitches.

Sung:
Come along boys, and listen to my tale,
I'll tell you of my troubles on the old Chisholm Trail.

CHORUS:
ti yi yip-pee yip-pee yay yip-pee yay,
Come a ti yi yip-pee yip-pee yay.

With my foot in the stirrup and my ass in the saddle,
I gotta round up the sonofabitchin' cattle.

They sent me to the boss just to get a little roller,
I thought I'd go to town to get some tallow on my
pole-a.

Oh, I rode and I rode and I rode to the south.
Till my horse's old tongue hung out of his mouth.

Now, little Fanny Walter was a nice fat squaw,
She lived down by the Chickasaw.

Well, when I met her I offered her a penny,
She said, "I'm sorry but I haven't got any."

Well, when I met her I offered her a nickel,
She said, "I am sorry but that wouldn't buy a tickle."

Well, when I met her I offered her a dime.
She said, "You'll have to try some other time."

Well, when I met her I offered her a quarter.
She said, "By God, I'm a cowpuncher's daughter."

Well, when I met her I offered her a half.
She said, "God, dammit, I ain't no calf."

Well, I went to her house, laid a dollar in her hand.
She said, "Young man, can you make him stand?"

Oh, I took her by the waist and I throwed her down,
And my balls hit her ass before she touched the ground.

Well I fucked her standing and I fucked her lying,
And I'd-a had wings I'd-a fucked her flying.

Well, when I hot up she called me "kid."
She said, "You'll remember me," and by God, I did.

In about three days I began to feel sick,
And my underwear stuck to the end of my dick.

The very next day my prick turned blue,
I got so scared, didn't know what to do.

I went to the doctor with my cock in my hand,
Said, "By God, doctor, it's the worst in the land."

The Doc took a look and then said, "Cough,"
I coughed so hard, my balls fell off.

The doctor he rolled it with a little blue stone.
Says I, "goddamn you, doctor, let that alone."

Now every time I go out to pee,
Blood and corruption come from me.

And every time I go out to piss,
I think of the gal who gave me this.

The last time I seen her, and I ain't seen her since,
She was scratching her cunt on a barbed wire fence,

The last time I seen her she was floating down the stream,
With a handful of money and a belly full of cream.

So that's my story of my search for tail,
And I'm back punchin' cattle on the Old Chisholm Trail.

Keywords: cowboy, sex, disease, VD, indian