Tale of Two Tangos

One Painful – The Other Blue
 

A New Parody

At ConCertino '99 last weekend, the 9th Northeast Filk Convention, our theme was "Do It Yourself" in honor of Guest of Honor Bill Sutton, whose filk by that title is a classic and a Pegasus winner ("You can build a mainframe from the things you find at home")... first place [song prize] was awarded to Dave Weingart, by whose permission I here present his... masturpiece.

Mark A. Mandel
ConCertino '99 Program(med) Chair
July 9-11, 1999, Westborough, Mass.

A Parody Placed Into Context

The above message from Mark Mandel was posted to the Bawdy Song Mail List on July 19, 1999. I was immediately intrigued by the fact that the winning Filk was a parody of a fairly obscure Tom Lehrer song 40 years old. Being a fan of Lehrer's in the '60s I was familiar with the words and music of the original song being parodied, but wondered how many others were. Liking both the original and the parody it inspired, and being something of a bawdy epicure, I decided to place the new work into context complete with music. Neither Tango is reproduced here with permission, but it's easier to beg forgiveness than to...

Anyway, enjoy.

ZiPpY tC
Collector of Bawdy Songs & a
Hash House Harrier Songmeisher
[email protected]

A Note About the Music
The Masochism Tango [2:38]

If you have a modern Web browser and it's properly configured, the music (a small 23k MIDI file) will automatically load and a MIDI player control panel should appear immediately below. Use it to start the music and then sing along (especially if you're at work). Please note that the the music begins with an intro before you actually begin singing and that there's a pause in the music during the third verse where Tom Lehrer over emphasizes the word "Yecch!" Also, if you'd like to hear a 28 second snippet of Tom singing this song, go to the Rhino Records Tom Lehrer Page, scroll down to the "Track List" and you can grab a sample of the Masochism Tango in either .au or .aiff format. And while you're there, you might consider buying the CD, it's one of my favorites.

Finally I don't know who sequenced this MIDI, if you do let me know so I can give credit where credit is certainly due. -ZtC-
THE MASOCHISM TANGO
Words & Music: Tom Lehrer © 1959
Originally released as Lehrer Records #TL 102
(Recorded 7/8/59) 		THE MASTURBATION TANGO
Words: David Weingart © 1999
Music: The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer
I ache for the touch of your lips, Dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, Dear.
You can raise welts like nobody else,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Let our love be a flame, not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember.
Blacken my eye, set fire to my tie,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

At your command, before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand. Yecch!
It's here that I must be.
My heart entreats, just hear those savage beats,
And go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.

Your heart is hard as stone or mahogany,
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.
My soul is on fire, it's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire when we tango.

You caught my nose in your left castanet, Love,
I can feel the pain yet, Love,
Every time I hear drums.
And I envy the rose that you held in your teeth, Love,
With the thorns underneath, Love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches.
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash that you made with your lash,
As we danced to the Masochism Tango.

Bash in my brain, and make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again,
And say we'll never part.
I know too well I'm underneath your spell,
So, Darling, if you smell
Something burning, it's my heart. Excuse me!

Take your cigarette from its holder,
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine, and swear that you're mine,
As we dance to the Masochism Tango.		 You ache for the touch of another
But you don't have a now-current lover
Do it yourself, with nobody else
As you gasp to the Masturbation Tango

Oh, the things you can do with your fingers
Like they showed last week on Jerry Springer
Just shut your eyes and reach for the thighs
As you gasp to the Masturbation Tango

As you demand, lie down or sit or stand
With matters well in hand
Do what you wish to do
You are not bound. You're free to play around
Be silent or make sound
No-one does it like you do

You smile as you follow your wishes
And you wriggle on out of your britches
A handful of fun, then you find that you're done
As you gasp to the Masturbation Tango

And as for "toys," I am willing to bet, love
That you've not tried them yet, love
You may think that they're fun
And there's also the books over there on the shelf, love
Quite inspiring for self-love
Try them out, see what comes

My friend deals with sensitive issues
The last time, she needed twenty tissues
To clean up the mess that she left on her dress
As she gasped to the Masturbation Tango

Just use your head until your face is red
And just as Shakespeare said,
"Aye, there's the rub," my dear
Like other folk the fires you can stoke
Your "ego" you can stroke
And smile from ear to ear

Let your fingers do all the walking
You don't have to deal with your lover talking
No need to share the wealth
As you do it to yourself
And you gasp to the Masturbation Tango

No lay!

Comments from Hash House Harriers
(Yes, we all have pseudonyms)

From: Wilma, Atlanta Hash House Harriers & Harriettes, Atlanta, Georgia

Zippy, thanks for the post [on the Hash House Harrier eMail List] and the web page. The idea of a Tom Lehrer parody makes my head hurt but it was cute anyway. The really interesting thing is that rumors to the contrary, he's [Tom Lehrer is] still alive and well and teaching math at the University of California at Santa Cruz! I did a little web surfing and son of a gun all this info popped out. He was a staple of my misspent youth and I was pleased and surprised to discover that he still has a following. A google search turned up several sites along with lyrics and MIDI files for some songs I've never heard. The Rhino Records reissue seems to have virtually all his stuff and any hasher who likes to sing should get it just for the sheer cynical joy of the utter and complete political incorrectness of it.

Most of Lehrer's stuff was written in the late fifties and early sixties and is still surprisingly sharp. If you aren't familiar with it, you're in for a treat. A good starting point is http://www.wiw.org/~drz/tom.lehrer/

-----

From: Thighmaster, Aloha Hash House Harriers, Honolulu, Hawaii

Wilma,

Yes, it's true. My sister works at UCSC and knows Tom Lehrer. A friend of ours who lives on the Big Island is buddies with Tom Lehrer and visited him recently. He's alive and well.

Keywords: masochism, sadism, masturbation