Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter

Tune: The Ash Grove

The mayor of Bayswater,
He has a lovely daughter,
And the hairs on her dick-di-do,
Hang down to her knees,

CHORUS:
And the hairs,
And the hairs,
And the hairs on her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees,
One black one, one white one,
*And one with a little shite on,*
And the hairs of her dicky-di-do,
Hang down to her knees.

*Variations for this chorus line*
And one forty pound strength one
And one I caught a trout on
And one I found on a bar of soap
And one that blocked the storm drain
And one she used as dental floss
And one she uses for macramé
And one dripping in olive oil
And one that smelt of clitty litter
And one to start the lawn mower with
And one covered in algae
And one I found in my mug of beer
And one the crabs are stuck on
etc...

If she were my daughter,
I'd have them cut shorter,

I've smelt it, I've felt it,
It's just like a piece of velvet,

I've seen it, I've seen it,
I've lain right in between it,

I could not believe my eyes,
When I peed between her thighs,

She came from Glamorgan,
With a cunt like a barrel organ,

She slept with a demon,
Who washed her with semen,

She lived on a mountain,
And fucked like a bloody fountain,

She stayed on a cattle ranch,
And came like a bloody avalanche,

She says she is not a whore,
But she bangs like a shit-house door,

She lived on a malted milkshake,
And rooted like a bloody rattlesnake,

She married an Italian,
With balls like a fucking stallion,

She divorced the Italian,
And married a stallion,

It was always hit-or-miss,
Whether I could find her clitoris,

Her cat's name was Boris,
And it played with her clitoris,

She went to Arabia,
And got camel drool on her labia,

She stayed in Seattle,
And went down on cattle,

She married a Spaniard,
With a prick like a bloody lanyard,

She went with a Hash House Harrier,
Who fucked her but wouldn't marry her,

I've stroked them, I've poked them,
I've even rolled them up and smoked them,

You need a coal miner,
To find her vagina,

She sits on the waterfront,
With the waves lapping up and down her cunt,

I've licked it, I've kissed it,
It tastes like a chocolate biscuit,

You can drive a mini minor,
Right up her vagina,

The light is so glitorous,
When it shines off her clitoris,

Her vagina was squishy,
And smelled a bit fishy,

The aroma it lingers,
It smells like fish fingers,

Keywords: hair, pubic, sex