I Don't Want to Join the Army

Tune: I Don't Want to Join the Army

 

I don't want to join the army,
I don't want to go to war,
I'd rather hang around Picadilly Underground
Living off the earnings of a high born lady...

I don't want a bayonet up my asshole,
I don't want my ballocks shot away,
I'd rather stay in England,
In ruddy, bloody England,
And fornicate me fuckin' life away, gor blimey...

Monday I touched her on the ankle,
Tuesday I touched her on the knee,
On Wednesday much success, I lifted up her dress,
Thursday I saw it (gor blimey!)...
Friday I put me hand upon it,
Saturday she gave me balls a tweak,
And on Sunday after supper, I rammed the bugger up her,
And now she wants it seven days a week.

Wimmin's verse:
I don't want to be a housewife,
Id much rather be a whore,
I'd rather turn some tricks, involving foot long pricks,
Housework is a bore, gor blimey...

I don't want to do his laundry,
I don't want to cook his fucking food,
And if I'm getting laid,
I should be getting paid,
Or else I must be truly getting screwed, gor blimey...

Call up the Provincial Territory,
Call up the navy and the marines,
Call up me mother, me sister, and me brother,
But for fuck's sake don't call me-Gaw Blimey....

I don't want to join the army.....etc.

 

Keywords: war, army, sex