Farting Contest

Tune: Sweet Betsy from Pike

I'll tell you a story that is sure to please,
Of a great farting contest at Burton-on-Tease,
Where all the best arses paraded the field,
To compete in a contest for various shields.

Some tighten their arses and fart up the scale,
To compete for a cup and a barrel of ale.
While others whose arses are biggest and strongest,
Compete in the section for loudest and longest.

Now, this year's event had drawn quite a big crowd,
And the betting was even on Mrs. McDowd.
For it had appeared in the evening edition,
That this lady's arse was in perfect condition.

Mrs. Bingle arrived amid roars of applause,
And promptly proceeded to pull off her drawers.
For though she'd no chance in the farting display,
She'd the prettiest bottom you'd see this day.

Now, young Mrs. Porter was backed for a place,
Though she'd often been placed in the deepest disgrace,
By dropping a fart on a Sunday in church,
And disturbing the sermon of Reverend McGurth.

The ladies lined up at the signal to start,
And winning the toss, Mrs. Jones to first fart.
The people around stood in silence and wonder,
While her wireless transmitted gale force and thunder.

Now Mrs. McDowd reckoned nothing of this,
For she took up her place and her arse opened wide,
And taking a tit in each hand blew the top off the judging stand.
But unluckily shit and was disqualified.

 

Keywords: flatulence