Ancient Hash Song

Tune: Tidings of Comfort and Joy

A hasher is a manly chap,
He's full of vim and vigor,
And maidens gather round in droves,
To see his manly figure.
Of flashing thighs and knobby knees,
He makes a splendid sight,
And all the girls do seek of him,
To spend with them the night,

At this ancient sport he does excel,
None is better in the land,
Tis only on a Monday night,
He needs a bit of a hand.
But Tuesday sees him big and bold,
If a little red of eye,
He tells himself he's not so old,
And has another try.
As lovers go he is the best,
The girls cannot go wrong.
Where others limp and sweat and pant,
The hasher cries, "On-On!"

Now you may think this splendid brute,
Is more animal than man,
But concealed inside his lofty head,
Is more than a empty beer can.
Of intellect he is most high,
Long words come naturally,
In more than a dozen languages,
He cries, "Jeez, I need a pee!"

On Monday night great minds confer,
To put the world to right.
Engineers and scientists,
Politicians from Left and Right.
It really is a treasure trove,
Of wit and repartee,
Foul language is never heard,
Just the occasional "Cooee."

This lofty band,
This group most high,
Gentlemen, one and all,
If only the world was made of such,
Then life would be a ball.

In this modern world we find,
Such violence and sin,
Isn't it a comfort then,
To find this band of men.
Whose only care is a maiden's prayer,
And to keep them safe from harm.
Oh, fret not, pretty maiden,
A hasher will keep you warm.
Not only warm but fed and clothed,
With oils he'll anoint your body,
And all he wants in return,
Is the occasional bit of nooky!

And when a Hasher's run is o'er,
To the Golden Gate he goes.
St. Peter studies the Hash Cash book,
To see what he might owe.
"Tha's fully paid, oop, no problem there,
And what's this I see here?
The likes of a bit of hot nooky,
After a few cold beers.
Tha's just the sort we need oop 'ere,
So tha can move along,
Vestal Virgins is on the left."
The hasher cried, "On-On!"

 

Keywords: hashsong, holiday, Christmas