Job Descriptions
Officers of the P2H4

 

1. BEERMEISTER: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg between the On-On and On-On-On. This job requires a strong back and a weak mind.

2. GRAND MASTER: The head man. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert’s legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather he personifies the hash’s character (or lack thereof.) He leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through his officers, he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, and Hash Flash in real importance to the hash.

3. HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there’s a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if (s)he can’t find anyone else to do it.

4. HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have over-spent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds. The Hash Cash also acts as Hash Haberdasher, procuring and selling items of apparel to the hash.

5. HASH FLASH: The person who captures on film for posterity all embarrassing hash moments. The hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed, and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.

6. HASH HARLOT: A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing, and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in being the butt of the jester’s ribald wit, the object of the songmeister’s bawdy lyric, and the centerpiece of all sensual hash repartee.

7. HASH HORN: Equipment requirements: A bugle or other appropriate wind instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail. Musical ability: Optional.

8. HASH MOUTH: The hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. He must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if he speaks English.

9. HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large card-board box filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is almost always there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.

10. ON-SEC: This position is the masochist’s dream. He struggles with piles of papers, miles of computer wire, and attempts to occasionally produce a Hash Trash to keep the hash members reasonably informed. He is the P2H4 official representative on the Internet maintaining the Web Site, eMail lists and other such forms nonesense. The On-Sec also maintains the hash membership data base and publishes the Hound Directory. Boring stuff to say the least.

11. SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)

12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. He is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.

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