1. BEERMEISTER:
This is unquestionably the most important position in
the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty
responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of
hashing is available at each and every hash event. He
keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest
spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in
the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage,
and reliably returns the empty keg between the On-On
and On-On-On. This job requires a strong back and a
weak mind.
2. GRAND MASTER: The
head man. The chairman of the board. The big cheese.
The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert’s legacy.
The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash,
rather he personifies the hash’s character (or
lack thereof.) He leads with a dynamic strength that
permeates the fabric of the organization. Both
directly, and through his officers, he gives
inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This
position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash,
Hash Mouth, and Hash Flash in real importance to the
hash.
3. HARE RAISER: The
Hare Raiser makes sure that there’s a hare (or
hares) for each hash, and that the start location is
known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for
publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if
(s)he can’t find anyone else to do it.
4. HASH CASH:
The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to
dash about the start of each hash begging for money.
Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what
goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in
and out.") These generally unappreciated duties
fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This
trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the
Hares who have over-spent, the whimpering of those
who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of
those who mistakenly think there should be some sort
of accounting for hash funds. The Hash Cash also acts
as Hash Haberdasher, procuring and selling items of
apparel to the hash.
5. HASH FLASH:
The person who captures on film for posterity all
embarrassing hash moments. The hash flash must have
an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take
photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to
bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them
developed, and put only the finest thereof into the
sacred photo album.
6. HASH HARLOT:
A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing,
and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in
being the butt of the jester’s ribald wit, the
object of the songmeister’s bawdy lyric, and the
centerpiece of all sensual hash repartee.
7. HASH HORN: Equipment
requirements: A bugle or other appropriate wind
instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail.
Musical ability: Optional.
8. HASH MOUTH: The
hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On
with an iron hand. He must be loud, clear,
passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an
uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps
if he speaks English.
9. HASHIT KEEPER:
This is arguably the most complicated position within
the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds
custody of a large card-board box filled with the
flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this
crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the
mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself
rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian
is almost always there himself. This reinforces the
argument that remembering to bring the hashit is
probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average
hasher.
10. ON-SEC:
This position is the masochist’s dream. He
struggles with piles of papers, miles of computer
wire, and attempts to occasionally produce a Hash
Trash to keep the hash members reasonably informed.
He is the P2H4 official representative on the
Internet maintaining the Web Site, eMail lists and
other such forms nonesense. The On-Sec also maintains
the hash membership data base and publishes the Hound
Directory. Boring stuff to say the least.
11. SONGMEISTER: This
is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks
for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are
risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks
with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add
to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new
tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no
Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split
infinitive.)
12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR:
Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This
is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and
can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The
religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the
zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any
hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is
disciplined by the RA. He is the keeper of the sacred
Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently
plausible lies to cover any serious questions of
propriety of actions within the hash.