1. BEERMEISTER: This
is unquestionably the most important position in the
hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility
of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is
available at each and every hash event. He keeps
constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous
fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk
of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably
returns the empty keg to get another full one for the
next hash. While this might be a "pain in the
ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important
one to the hash.
2. GRAND MASTER: The
head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big
cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's
legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the
hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash's character
(or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic
strength that permeates the fabric of the
organization. Both directly, and through the hash
officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and
vision to all. This position ranks only below
Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, Hash Flash, and
On-Sec in real importance to the hash.
3. HABERDASHER: This
is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for
business (who said head?), and the showmanship of
P.T. Barnum. (S)he's responsible for the design,
procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending
of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash.
Prior flea market or circus midway experience
4. HARE RAISER: The
Hare Raiser makes sure that there's a hare (or hares)
for each hash, and that the start location is known
to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for
publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS
the hare if (s)he can't find anyone else to do it.
5. HASH CASH: The
holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash
about the start of each hash begging for money.
Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what
goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in
and out.") These generally unappreciated duties
fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This
trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the
Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who
forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those
who mistakenly think there should be some sort of
accounting for hash funds.
6. HASH FLASH: The
person who captures for posterity all embarrassing
hash moments on film. The hash flash must have an
acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos
of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a
camera, film, take pictures, have them developed, and
put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo
7. HASH HARLOT: A
trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing...
and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in
being the butt of the jester's ribald wit, the object
of the songster's bawdy lyric, and the centerpiece of
sensual repartee at all hash functions.
8. HASH HORN:
Equipment requirements: A bugle or other appropriate
wind instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail.
Musical ability: Optional.
9. HASH MOUTH: The
hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On
with an iron hand. (S)he must be loud, clear,
passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an
uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps
if (s)he speaks English.
10. HASHIT KEEPER:
This is arguably the most complicated position within
the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds
custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house)
filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes.
Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery
shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the
hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although
the custodian is usually there himself. This
reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the
hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of
your average hasher.
11. ON-SEC: This
position is the masochist's dream. (S)he struggles
with piles of paper, miles of computer wire, and
might attempt to occasionally produce a Hound
Directory or Hash Trash to keep the hash members
somewhat informed. (S)he is the P2H4 principal
"outside" representative maintaining the
Harrier.Net Worldwide WebSite, the hash membership
data base, the ColoradoH3 eMail List, and the
official HareLine phone recording. Boring stuff to
say the least.
12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR:
Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This
is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and
can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The
religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the
zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any
hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is
disciplined by the RA. (S)e is the keeper of the
sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently
plausible lies to cover any serious questions of
propriety of actions within the hash.
13. SONGMEISTER: This
is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks
for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are
risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks
with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add
to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new
tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no
Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split